Zombie Mother

A while ago, randomly I said something to my mother about my Zombie Apocalypse Team, and she became immediately interested in what this meant. Thinking that she might be worried (as some mothers get when you say something odd) I explained what it was and told her who was on my team. she then responded hopefully with "well can I be on your team?!" I quickly replied with a negative answer and was asked why not. I told my mother that she didn't have the balls to kill someone even if they were a zombie. "Well I'm smart!" she said, the words flying out of her mouth. "Mom!" I sighed "how will your type of smartness help when there's dead people chasing you?" When i say her type of smartness I mean the type that she has acquired that enables her to rattle off a list of the zoning permit requirements for King county, or the reasons beaver damns are important to streams. She informs me that she has a car that she can legaly drive. "Yeah. like someones going to stop you for speeding if they're DEAD." I say as I walk into the other room to get the phone. "I'm going to make a 'Zombie Team' too!" she hollers.

Almost a week goes by and then she brings up "The Team" again. She tells me in an almost arrogant tone that she has a librarian on her team. "Mom, i don't know if you get it. Being well read doesn't mean shit to zombies." she laughs and tells me she posted a status update on her newly acquired facebook and expects awesome results.

Three weeks go by and my mother and I keep each other updated on zombie plans and ideas for survival. "zombies cant swim... right Riley?" she asks one evning in the car. "Im not really sure. How would we know?" "MOVIES!" she rapidly retorts, "why dont we watch zombie movies and learn from them?" We decide to watch one zombie movie each week.

A day later Im on my way to Oregon with my sister when I tell her about the weekly tradition that is yet to happen. She tells me that mother has recently asked her to join with her team of 2 librarians and a neibor, and also informs me that she has Mike Mccready on her team and therefore on my moms! Mike Mccready - as you might know - is the lead guitarist for Pearl Jam. I investigate further and realize that my sister just happened to run into him at a coffee shop and asked him to join the team. Im sure he has no idea how to contact her during the event.

Weeks later we have watched: Dawn of the Dead, Undead, Land of the Dead, Shawn of the Dead, and Diary of the Dead. (I know. think of a new fucking name!)

Now i have created an exclusive facebook group dedicated to my Zombie Team. Its titles "Riley's Zombie Apocalypse Team"... I think it will do well.